So many good things have been happening, I hope you’re all well! Need to get this place back up and running somehow.
Do you or your lover(s) have a cock ring? If not, you should invest in one. They’re awesome, and can make erections harder and thicker. Not to mention prolonging orgasms for men. Using my own cock as a visual aid, here are the steps in order.
Step 1: Get a cock.
Step 2: Make sure balls are in the ring.
Step 3: Put the rest of the dick in the ring.
Step 4: Get hard and enjoy.
Now get out there and enjoy a dick today!
The ring shown here is the Tantus Super Soft C-Ring just in case you were wondering.
I’ve been trying to articulate this for a while now, but I didn’t have the words. It’s all mush inside my head, but I think I can give this form, and hopefully by doing so come to terms with it a bit.
I am absolutely terrified of making decisions that don’t have clear answers, but do have very serious consequences. For instance, not picking the right shoes to wear out on a night means nothing to me. It’s really irrelevant to my life and most people’s lives. Now making a decision on where to work is a little bit trickier. Luckily, I can usually compare the two on objective facts- benefits, role, pay, etc.- so I can lean on those. Now romantic relationships give me the worst jitters imaginable.
I’m always scared that I’ll pick the wrong decision, or that I’ll think the other choice as better in the long run. Using the relationship example, I’ll date multiple women. We’ll have great times together, and I’ll genuinely like them all. Now, as things start to get serious, I’ll get cold feet. Which one do I choose? People say that you’ll just know, but that’s crazy talk, or at least sounds crazy. How does one just know that?! Girls I’ve fallen for, I didn’t just know. I kind of fell into it, and it worked out so well that I fell madly in love with them. But then, we broke up.
I mentally cannot get over that I can make the wrong decision. I can fake it at work and other situations. A decision has to be made, so I make it and stick by it. However, no matter how sure I seem, I am absolutely terrified of committing to it. I’m the person who rereads their emails 20 times to not look stupid and to make sure I actually want that thing. It’s a curse, but something I’m starting to get over. It’s not about the decision, but how I’ll react to the outcome of the situation I created. Even if the decision is wrong, I need to be able to pivot and move things back in the right direction.
Because of my acute fear of choosing wrong, I usually shy away from situations that cause me to have to choose. This is unfortunately damn near all life decisions. I live inside my own head so much it drives me insane at times. Especially when I can rationalize so many different pros for both sides. Let’s use sex as an example. I can be a bull for a swinging couple and explore my sexuality to see if that life is right for me. Or, I could be in another monogamous relationship and fall in love with someone. Both sound great to me. What if I do swing, love it, but can’t find a lover? That sucks and I don’t ant that life. What if I fall in love but she doesn’t fulfill me sexually, or isn’t nearly as adventurous? That sounds miserable. Let’s use making porn for MakeLoveNotPorn. Totally want to, and I can make money. But then I have a record as a pornographer that could hurt me in the future (even though I strongly doubt it). Straying away from sex, where do I live? Do I stay here, do I move across country, do I pick and change countries, or maybe go back to where I grow up? Each has an implication that completely changes my life. With all these decisions, I just can’t pick. I just go back and forth, back and forth. Ultimately though in all these scenarios, and many more, I wind up doing nothing. I just drudge away hoping that the answer will fall from the sky and hit me on the head, Isaac Newton style.
Fear of choice, mixed with sadness from past loves, is making me fear commitment. I see people walking down the street holding hands, laughing, kissing, just being happy together. I want that. I want someone to call mine. We can be monogamous, non-monogmaous, nerdy, kinky, yogis, tech buffs, or just homebodies. I really don’t care what defines “us” as long as there is an “us” somewhere in there. However, dealing with relationships is painful, and hard. I’ve picked before and I’ve fallen in love. I thought those decisions were absolute. Now they’re just faint memories that I get to visit every once in a while. I’m not terrified I’d fall in love again, I’m scared I’ll pick and it’ll fall to pieces again. Or worse, that the person I choose isn’t the one that will really make me happy. So instead I date and flirt, straying away from things that get too serious. I admit that I self sabotage the relationships sometimes unconsciously because it feels too real and I don’t know if I can handle it.
To the people who have a significant other, or who are just determined to do something, I envy you. I envy that you could make a decision and go with it at full force. I look at you every day and I want your happiness and your one sided determination. Just know that while I look like I’m living it up on the outside, or that I have it altogether I’m actually shitting myself mentally. I’m going to keep trying to move myself in the right direction, but until then this is my curse to bear.
**Secretly, or I guess not so secretly, I wish I had a strong domme who could take me out of this headspace. But that’s a post for another time.
Hi, I’m MrM and I am very shy and very very Introverted.
Now I know you must be thinking, “Dude, you’re like half naked all over the interwebs” or maybe, “You didn’t seem so shy when you slept wit that woman“. Well let me tell you a secret, I’m the definition of an introvert, and I can be completely shy at times.
As an introvert, events an situations with people drain me, and I tend to avoid them at all costs. This sounds weird for a self proclaimed partier who likes to flirt with random girls, but I swear to you it’s true. I think I just have more energy than most introverts, but realistically If I’m out “doing things” (seeing people/parties/etc) for too many days/hours in a row without enough downtime I am depleted. I’ll lack energy or ambition to do just about anything, whether it be seing people or reading. Towards the end of hanging out with people I’ll just crave alone time. I don’t even need to be doing something while I’m alone, it’s just the fact that I’m alone that make me feel so much better. I need to be able to decompress after all of the energy and social interactions before it starts to wear on me mentally and physically. Unfortunately my introversion goes hand in hand with being shy.
It may not seem like it, but I’m incredibly shy. Part of the reason I started (and have continued despite some hiatuses) this blog is to confront my shyness. I’ll admit that there’s a lot of times where I don’t know what to say to people. I can literally be in the middle of a conversation and not know where to take it next, or even how to take it there if I did anyway. I’m incredibly hesitant and easily frightened (startled? maybe) that I’ll say the wrong thing/make the wrong choice. I will play out all possible scenarios in my head before doing something, and choose the one of least resistance, even if it’s not the decision I want. See a cute girl on the bus? You’ve had a long day at work so keep your mouth close, she probably didn’t want to hear anything come out of your mouth anyway. I could come up with 1000 reasons to avoid her, even though there could be a chance we could hit it off. Even with you dear people I sometimes am at a loss for words. I love your comments, that why I try to respond to as many as I can, but sometimes I lose the words and all I can mutter out is a “Thanks!” (which I really do mean by the way). It’s also the reason why my pictures are sometimes far and in-between. Being shy of showing certain pics means you get less of them or less risque/fun ones.
Usually I can hide both of these traits. I’ve learned to almost completely reverse them while drinking. The term liquid courage was invented for people like me. Give me a couple of drinks to get out of my head and I can flow like water. Without those drinks I’m a mess though. My thoughts will get jumbled and things won’t flow as cleanly. I’ve also learned how to look good in front of my friends. If they’re nervous I become the extrovert, just so that I can bring more life to our party group. It’s kind of like I become the reflector or what they need/want instead of what I am. Luckily even without those situations I can mask it well if I feel I need to or really want to do something. Lately I’ll play the “you’ll never know what could happen” scenario in my head which gives me enough confidence to do whatever it is sometimes.
Introversion and shyness create the perfect storm of sorts, which is starting to seep into everything else. As someone interested in business, introversion is not only a trait you dont want, it’s a trait people may not be keen on you having. Being shy leads to being both indecisive and easily flustered which can make me a mess. I can go from the most organized to the most confused person in a matter of seconds-whether or not I actually knew what I was talking about. It’s frustrating, and sometimes debilitating.
Lately I’ve been super frustrated with these traits. My work is calling for me to be the opposite. I need to be more extroverted, decisive, and quick to pivot with other people. the cognitive dissonance this creates is starting to wear me out. I’m so exhausted by the end of the day I barely want to deal with another human being. I actually crave the early morning/late nights at work because I get to work in isolation with few interruptions and few chances to have to deal with large groups.
I’m not complaining, and although I wish I were not as shy or introverted, I still like me. These were things I need to admit so I can work through them and make the best of what I have. So yea, there’s the truth.